NEW BLOG!

Hi all (all 4 of you! ;)) Click here to see Gerard and I's new blog where family and friends can watch our journey of planning the wedding as well as for information when the wedding gets closer. So far, we know it will in July 2010, and all family is invited. I will be posting the date, the time, the ceremony and reception site, detailed directions, where we will be registered, as well as tons of photos! Just in case you lose the future "save the date" cards or invitations, you can go to this blog and access any and all information you may need!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day ♥

Cancer in our Bathroom

So I've been doing a lot of research lately about the cosmetic products (like shampoo, conditioners, face wash, face moisterizers, lotions, soaps, etc) that contain more chemicals than in some of my basic house cleaning products. I looked up most of those big words you see in the ingredients list on the back of shampoo bottles and other things.. chemicals such as sodium laurenth sulfate, TEA (triethanolamine) Laurent Sulfate (Also DEA), DMDM Hydantoin, Sodium Hydroxide.. I could go on for quite a while, but spelling these words is making my head hurt..

I have to say, maybe ignorance has been bliss.. I always read the back of bottles in the shower while I'm waiting for my conditioner to "work" or if I'm just not ready to get out into that cold air.. and I NEVER knew what these ingrediants were.. but did I question them? Nope. I lathered up some more. For my entire life. 22 1/2 years of rubbing these chemicals on my skin! And we all wonder where our cancers come from. Why do they just pop up out of nowhere. What about those people who have no chancer in their family tree? Why have their branches been shaken? Are we, as Americans, being taken advantage of? Hardly any of us, including me, keep up with the news in Europe the way they keep up with ours. Why should we? So many things are happening right here, in the most powerful country in the world, we just don't have the time to read up on many other coutries outside of the ones involved in this war. But I can tell you something, most of these chemicals have been BANNED, as in made ILLEGAL, in Europe. Thus far, the FDA regulates NINE chemicals in cosmetics.. the EU prohibits over 1,100.

I have to put this out there for those that don't know.. about 75% or more of these chemicals in our products are known carcinogens and are linked to cancer. And we absorb over 80% of the things we put on our skin, as in they go right into our bloodstream. I had put them on my baby! They put these ingrediants in baby products! I couldn't believe it.. The ones that aren't carcinogens are either linked to dermatitus or other chronic skin condtions, or can be attributed to our common breaks outs (like mineral oil, aka parrafin wax, aka petrolateum). Even the perservatives in our products are things like Formaldehyde (but they put it in a fancy labratory term).

I know I've been ranting, but I feel very strongly about this. I want to warn everyone! We don't need to use these products! I myself have been making my own. I made my own shampoo, conditioner, skin care products, body lotion and body wash. Including ones that are safe for Bella (like an organic body wash with organic lavender essential oil that knocks her out when followed with chemical free lotion laced with the same lavender). I've thrown out everything else! Everything is now all natural, and I have to say, my hair has never been softer. My skin has never been brighter. My pores haven't been this small since before puberty! And it turned out to be really easy. Anyone out there who is more interested, contact me please. Any family members out there especially, who want some of these natural products, just let me know! I'll make them for you and bring them to you myself.. I'd do anything to get rid of your toxic products!

And don't fall for the marketing gimics by the large manufacturing companies! For example, L'Oreal has put out a Sodium Laurenth Sulfate (SLES) free shampoo and conditioner "free of harsh salts and sulfates" set called "Ever Pure" .. I checked it. This isn't even close to "pure". All of the other chemicals remain. Do not be fooled people!

If you're interested in anymore information, go to this link or this one and read up for yourself. We all trust the FDA.. so why are they allowing carcinogens in our baby shampoo? And they are aware of it, believe me. Please, join me in banning these products from your bathroom, from your children, and from yourself!

Quote of the week

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzo

I found this quote on a day when I needed strength the most.. only to realize I've had it all along.
I hope everyone is having an amazing week!

ENGAGED!!!

Yes! It's true!

Gerard proposed last night while we layed in bed with Bella in between us - it was so sweet and perfect to have it just us, just our family. He had been putting me off the scent for weeks! He had gotten it 2 weeks ago but just got his hands on it last night. He said he had so many different ideas that would have to go according to plan exactly, but once he got a hold of the ring he couldn't wait to do it. He was so sneaky! I was shocked!! I didn't even hear the end of his speech when he said "Will you marry me?" because I was crying and my head was spinning! But I said, OF COURSE! I'm so excited and it still doesn't feel real. What a perfect way to get me out of my rut. I have had a serious bounce in my step and nothing could wipe the smile off my face.. All I have to do is look down at my left hand :)

I LOVE YOU GERRY!!!

Venting

Okay so, I've kind of lost sight of what this blog is meant to be. I know that it's for Bella in the future and for me to be able to look back and remember everything.. but I feel like many people have way more and complex problems than me and therefore I don't like putting anything out there.. but then I realized that maybe writing it out will help me and I shouldn't worry about what others think.. but I do.

I'm so stressed. I don't know how much more I can handle. I feel guilty when I'm thinking "Oh my goodness Bella I just need 5 minutes to myself!".. I feel terrible about that. Last night Gerard had an away game and was gone from 1pm to midnight and so I of course took care of Isabella but I also had two major tests to study for in my hardest subjects. I of course got none of it done.. I just did my best guestimations and crossed my fingers.. Now, I knew the material, but not like I could have... Seeing graduation in the near future has made me a bit of an overachiever and I wanted nothing less than an A in everything.. I mean, I want it bad.

I feel so guilty for thinking bad things when Gerard pays more attention to Bella.. how awful is that.. I guess maybe it's triggered by the fact that we have NO time together. He has so many away games.. for example, I'll alone for the entire day on saturday because he has a game 5 hours away. Now, that's not so bad because I don't have class that day or the day following, but it's still a lot to handle when I have so much on my plate. It's hard to prioritize but that's no excuse for feeling neglected because he wants to love on his daughter.. I'm sorry little girl.

I feel guilty for sometimes releasing my stress when I finally do get home because as Gerard reminded me today, home is the one place where I can be myself and relax and lean on him. The problem is, I don't sleep. And when I do sleep I wake up with this horrible stomach full of anxiety - like that feeling you get when someone scares the absolute crap out of you, except it doesn't go away and I lay awake trying to take deep breaths or going for a walk around the house. I wish I could just stay at home and be a full time mommy and be happy for the time I get to laugh and play with Bella. But instead my mind is somewhere else and I hate it. She is already growing up so fast and I'm missing out on moments I can't get back.

I'm sorry to Gerard and Bella Girl, I'll try to do better. I'll be the old me again soon, I promise. If I didn't have you Gerard, I would be lost. And if I didn't have you Isabella, I wouldn't be complete. I'm very thankful for the both of you..

A moment to brag please...

So this happened about a week ago but things got away from me so I forgot to post, but.. Gerard has been doing amazing on the team! He was named Big South Player of the Week, which means he was the best player that week out of every single person in their D1 conference which is basically the whole east coast..
THEN..

He was named MVP of their tournament to raise money for breast cancer..

AND THEN..
he was named to the national team in which only 11 players out of the entire country are chosen!! He is the only person at GWU, in the entire history of the school, to have been given that honor.

The reason for all this recognition was that he scored 4 goals and had one assist in just FOUR games.. he was on a hot streak. They have only had one game since so I'm glad I got the chance to report on his amazingness thus far.. but I just had to brag. Apparently Bella is going to be pushed into soccer with hopes that she enjoys it and I thought it would be nice for her to have something to look back on to see that her daddy was the best, because he is. He is having the most amazing senior year and I'm so proud of him.. now keep your fingers crossed that he gets invited to the MLS trials over the Christmas holiday!! I'm so proud of you Gerard! You make time to be a great dad, a great boyfriend, a great student, and a great player.. you are truly amazing and I love you.

(laugh all you want at me Gerry, I know you love it..)

Bella's First Slumber Party

So I did it. I spent the night away from Bella. Hardest thing I have EVER done. Which goes without saying, that I've had a pretty easy time so far. Anyway, Gerard had a game on Friday but was off from soccer until Monday so we took that oppertunity to have a night to ourselves.

I dropped Bella off in Charlotte with my mom and then actually had to leave and go back home.. it was that leaving part that I wasn't prepared for. I was fine on the drive over and walked in and hung out for a while. But my stomach was doing flips and turns when I realized I actually had to walk out of the door, get in the car, back out and head home, without my baby in tow. I was miserable the whole ride home, crying my eyes out while listening to happy music (to try to take my mind of off it, unsuccessfully). We both got ready to go out. We dressed up nice and I actually spent some time on my make-up. It was nice to look nice. But I turned the corner to enter our room to finish dressing and there was Gerard - kneeling on the bed and smelling Bella's PJ's that she had worn the night before. I feel deeper in love with him at that moment, it was so sweet.

We went over to a friends house and I somehow stayed awake until 2:30 when we finally came home. That scene is just not for me anymore. I missed Bella and everyone kept asking how she was and I said I couldn't talk about it because I didn't want to start crying again. I also don't enjoy drinking anymore - I had a few and just couldn't be bothered to have anymore. I guess there are just so many things that are more important that I just couldn't get in that sort of mindset. It was nice to be able to sleep in until 10:30 though. As we got closer to my moms, I had such anxiety I felt sick. I missed her so much and I couldn't get home fast enough. It was so hard for me to leave her but there were many times during Saturday when I looked at her and realized just how much I loved her. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. ♥