NEW BLOG!

Hi all (all 4 of you! ;)) Click here to see Gerard and I's new blog where family and friends can watch our journey of planning the wedding as well as for information when the wedding gets closer. So far, we know it will in July 2010, and all family is invited. I will be posting the date, the time, the ceremony and reception site, detailed directions, where we will be registered, as well as tons of photos! Just in case you lose the future "save the date" cards or invitations, you can go to this blog and access any and all information you may need!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day ♥

Cancer in our Bathroom

So I've been doing a lot of research lately about the cosmetic products (like shampoo, conditioners, face wash, face moisterizers, lotions, soaps, etc) that contain more chemicals than in some of my basic house cleaning products. I looked up most of those big words you see in the ingredients list on the back of shampoo bottles and other things.. chemicals such as sodium laurenth sulfate, TEA (triethanolamine) Laurent Sulfate (Also DEA), DMDM Hydantoin, Sodium Hydroxide.. I could go on for quite a while, but spelling these words is making my head hurt..

I have to say, maybe ignorance has been bliss.. I always read the back of bottles in the shower while I'm waiting for my conditioner to "work" or if I'm just not ready to get out into that cold air.. and I NEVER knew what these ingrediants were.. but did I question them? Nope. I lathered up some more. For my entire life. 22 1/2 years of rubbing these chemicals on my skin! And we all wonder where our cancers come from. Why do they just pop up out of nowhere. What about those people who have no chancer in their family tree? Why have their branches been shaken? Are we, as Americans, being taken advantage of? Hardly any of us, including me, keep up with the news in Europe the way they keep up with ours. Why should we? So many things are happening right here, in the most powerful country in the world, we just don't have the time to read up on many other coutries outside of the ones involved in this war. But I can tell you something, most of these chemicals have been BANNED, as in made ILLEGAL, in Europe. Thus far, the FDA regulates NINE chemicals in cosmetics.. the EU prohibits over 1,100.

I have to put this out there for those that don't know.. about 75% or more of these chemicals in our products are known carcinogens and are linked to cancer. And we absorb over 80% of the things we put on our skin, as in they go right into our bloodstream. I had put them on my baby! They put these ingrediants in baby products! I couldn't believe it.. The ones that aren't carcinogens are either linked to dermatitus or other chronic skin condtions, or can be attributed to our common breaks outs (like mineral oil, aka parrafin wax, aka petrolateum). Even the perservatives in our products are things like Formaldehyde (but they put it in a fancy labratory term).

I know I've been ranting, but I feel very strongly about this. I want to warn everyone! We don't need to use these products! I myself have been making my own. I made my own shampoo, conditioner, skin care products, body lotion and body wash. Including ones that are safe for Bella (like an organic body wash with organic lavender essential oil that knocks her out when followed with chemical free lotion laced with the same lavender). I've thrown out everything else! Everything is now all natural, and I have to say, my hair has never been softer. My skin has never been brighter. My pores haven't been this small since before puberty! And it turned out to be really easy. Anyone out there who is more interested, contact me please. Any family members out there especially, who want some of these natural products, just let me know! I'll make them for you and bring them to you myself.. I'd do anything to get rid of your toxic products!

And don't fall for the marketing gimics by the large manufacturing companies! For example, L'Oreal has put out a Sodium Laurenth Sulfate (SLES) free shampoo and conditioner "free of harsh salts and sulfates" set called "Ever Pure" .. I checked it. This isn't even close to "pure". All of the other chemicals remain. Do not be fooled people!

If you're interested in anymore information, go to this link or this one and read up for yourself. We all trust the FDA.. so why are they allowing carcinogens in our baby shampoo? And they are aware of it, believe me. Please, join me in banning these products from your bathroom, from your children, and from yourself!

Quote of the week

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzo

I found this quote on a day when I needed strength the most.. only to realize I've had it all along.
I hope everyone is having an amazing week!

ENGAGED!!!

Yes! It's true!

Gerard proposed last night while we layed in bed with Bella in between us - it was so sweet and perfect to have it just us, just our family. He had been putting me off the scent for weeks! He had gotten it 2 weeks ago but just got his hands on it last night. He said he had so many different ideas that would have to go according to plan exactly, but once he got a hold of the ring he couldn't wait to do it. He was so sneaky! I was shocked!! I didn't even hear the end of his speech when he said "Will you marry me?" because I was crying and my head was spinning! But I said, OF COURSE! I'm so excited and it still doesn't feel real. What a perfect way to get me out of my rut. I have had a serious bounce in my step and nothing could wipe the smile off my face.. All I have to do is look down at my left hand :)

I LOVE YOU GERRY!!!

Venting

Okay so, I've kind of lost sight of what this blog is meant to be. I know that it's for Bella in the future and for me to be able to look back and remember everything.. but I feel like many people have way more and complex problems than me and therefore I don't like putting anything out there.. but then I realized that maybe writing it out will help me and I shouldn't worry about what others think.. but I do.

I'm so stressed. I don't know how much more I can handle. I feel guilty when I'm thinking "Oh my goodness Bella I just need 5 minutes to myself!".. I feel terrible about that. Last night Gerard had an away game and was gone from 1pm to midnight and so I of course took care of Isabella but I also had two major tests to study for in my hardest subjects. I of course got none of it done.. I just did my best guestimations and crossed my fingers.. Now, I knew the material, but not like I could have... Seeing graduation in the near future has made me a bit of an overachiever and I wanted nothing less than an A in everything.. I mean, I want it bad.

I feel so guilty for thinking bad things when Gerard pays more attention to Bella.. how awful is that.. I guess maybe it's triggered by the fact that we have NO time together. He has so many away games.. for example, I'll alone for the entire day on saturday because he has a game 5 hours away. Now, that's not so bad because I don't have class that day or the day following, but it's still a lot to handle when I have so much on my plate. It's hard to prioritize but that's no excuse for feeling neglected because he wants to love on his daughter.. I'm sorry little girl.

I feel guilty for sometimes releasing my stress when I finally do get home because as Gerard reminded me today, home is the one place where I can be myself and relax and lean on him. The problem is, I don't sleep. And when I do sleep I wake up with this horrible stomach full of anxiety - like that feeling you get when someone scares the absolute crap out of you, except it doesn't go away and I lay awake trying to take deep breaths or going for a walk around the house. I wish I could just stay at home and be a full time mommy and be happy for the time I get to laugh and play with Bella. But instead my mind is somewhere else and I hate it. She is already growing up so fast and I'm missing out on moments I can't get back.

I'm sorry to Gerard and Bella Girl, I'll try to do better. I'll be the old me again soon, I promise. If I didn't have you Gerard, I would be lost. And if I didn't have you Isabella, I wouldn't be complete. I'm very thankful for the both of you..

A moment to brag please...

So this happened about a week ago but things got away from me so I forgot to post, but.. Gerard has been doing amazing on the team! He was named Big South Player of the Week, which means he was the best player that week out of every single person in their D1 conference which is basically the whole east coast..
THEN..

He was named MVP of their tournament to raise money for breast cancer..

AND THEN..
he was named to the national team in which only 11 players out of the entire country are chosen!! He is the only person at GWU, in the entire history of the school, to have been given that honor.

The reason for all this recognition was that he scored 4 goals and had one assist in just FOUR games.. he was on a hot streak. They have only had one game since so I'm glad I got the chance to report on his amazingness thus far.. but I just had to brag. Apparently Bella is going to be pushed into soccer with hopes that she enjoys it and I thought it would be nice for her to have something to look back on to see that her daddy was the best, because he is. He is having the most amazing senior year and I'm so proud of him.. now keep your fingers crossed that he gets invited to the MLS trials over the Christmas holiday!! I'm so proud of you Gerard! You make time to be a great dad, a great boyfriend, a great student, and a great player.. you are truly amazing and I love you.

(laugh all you want at me Gerry, I know you love it..)

Bella's First Slumber Party

So I did it. I spent the night away from Bella. Hardest thing I have EVER done. Which goes without saying, that I've had a pretty easy time so far. Anyway, Gerard had a game on Friday but was off from soccer until Monday so we took that oppertunity to have a night to ourselves.

I dropped Bella off in Charlotte with my mom and then actually had to leave and go back home.. it was that leaving part that I wasn't prepared for. I was fine on the drive over and walked in and hung out for a while. But my stomach was doing flips and turns when I realized I actually had to walk out of the door, get in the car, back out and head home, without my baby in tow. I was miserable the whole ride home, crying my eyes out while listening to happy music (to try to take my mind of off it, unsuccessfully). We both got ready to go out. We dressed up nice and I actually spent some time on my make-up. It was nice to look nice. But I turned the corner to enter our room to finish dressing and there was Gerard - kneeling on the bed and smelling Bella's PJ's that she had worn the night before. I feel deeper in love with him at that moment, it was so sweet.

We went over to a friends house and I somehow stayed awake until 2:30 when we finally came home. That scene is just not for me anymore. I missed Bella and everyone kept asking how she was and I said I couldn't talk about it because I didn't want to start crying again. I also don't enjoy drinking anymore - I had a few and just couldn't be bothered to have anymore. I guess there are just so many things that are more important that I just couldn't get in that sort of mindset. It was nice to be able to sleep in until 10:30 though. As we got closer to my moms, I had such anxiety I felt sick. I missed her so much and I couldn't get home fast enough. It was so hard for me to leave her but there were many times during Saturday when I looked at her and realized just how much I loved her. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. ♥

Best Sound in the World

Bella's new T

Gerard told me I needed to get a life, in a nicer way of course. He drilled me on my hobbies, convinced that there should be more to my life than him and Bella. Maybe he was right because I started the process of making Bella clothing and I've gotten really excited about it. I'm also going to make her a scrap book to display the first year of her life and planning for that is something that I look forward to during the day. So I started off with baby steps. I took one of my old t-shirts and decided to cut it up and size it down for Bella.










It was a little difficult because I didn't have any patterns to work with so I had to measure with my eyes since I wasn't about to use pins while she was wearing it! The sleeves gave me some trouble and by the end of it I couldn't be bothered with finishing the collar but I like the way it turned out. Next project - baby sweat pants!

♥ Date at the Drive-In

There's a drive-in movie theater right in the heart of Shelby - a perfect "people watching" place more than a perfect place to watch movies.. They showed G.I. Joe and Halloween 2 and you tune into your radio to a certain station to hear the sound. It was actually really great - only $7 a car and we set up Bella's travel bed in the back seat and she slept the entire time, allowing us to have a real date. But before it got dark and before she passed out, I got some pictures with my cell phone.










Also, they have a snack bar which was so much cheaper than an actual movie theater. We watched G.I. Joe from start to finish and besides some expected corny lines, it really wasn't too bad. Gerard loved G.I. Joe as a boy so I think he really liked it. But then Halloween started and I lasted about 2 minutes.. It was pitch black, we're surrounded by woods and a lot of people had left by then and I was terrified. It's a really old drive-in (NC used to be in top 10 in the country for drive-ins, who knew?) so it was extra creepy - only gravel roads, no lights to prevent a glare on the screen, and it was a really big lot. But besides it being a really creepy place to watch a scary movie, it was really great for our type of budget and bringing the baby was so easy and convienant. They even give you a trash bag when you pay so that if you can fill it with your trash and leave it on the lawn and someone picks it up for you. Also, if your battery dies while you watch, you just open your hood and people know to come and jump you if they have the cables. It was a lot of fun and I definitely think we'll be going back!

Bella Has a Boyfriend

Yes, already! I thought she was a flirt, but Logan, her younger boytoy (2 weeks younger) is the biggest flirt I have ever met.. Logan is the son of friends of ours who also went to GWU but now the dad coaches on the team and his wife lives nearby. They finally met each other last week at Gerard's soccer game and they really hit it off..





Isn't that sweet? It's the first time Bella has been around a baby her age. Gerard's brother and his girlfriend had their baby at the end of July while we were there. She was TWO WEEKS overdue, no joke. The induced Sandra around 5 pm and she was having really strong contractions from that moment on, only she didn't know it because it was her first time around. We went to visit but stayed in the caf area and she came down to say hi and have a tea because they told her it was okay for her to walk around, since most women who are induced will probably deliver the next day.. I could see her contractions through her dress - YES dress, they didn't even bother to put her in a gown yet. I could tell she was having real contractions and she went back up to lay down. We went home and 3 hours later we got a call from Michael his brother who said "It's a girl..". We were STUNNED.. 3 hours!? She delivered a little after 8 pm and apparently almost in the hallway because none of the nurses believed her when she described the amount of pressure and pain she felt. No edipural, no complaining, and when we went to visit her she was in high spirits and didn't look anything like she had just had a baby (whereas I looked as though I had run a marathon). Anyways, Bella now has a girl cousin and they're only 4 months apart, so I hope they get along and become close! So Bella has been around a newborn, and all she wanted to do was play with her hair:

Mia (pro.Mee-yah) Marina Hefferon, 8lb 3 oz

Bella with her grandpappy Martin

Did I mention that Bella is becoming obsessed with hair? She has to pull our hair to soothe herself to sleep, she goes after mine when my back is turned, she eats it, twists it in her fingers and rubs it on her face.. She tried to pull her own but her chubster fingers couldn't get a good hold! I am telling you, obsessed, all the time, hair hair hair..

Styling/pulling really hard

Having a snack

Twisting and tangling it around her fingers right before a nice yank

She could pull all my hair out until I was bald, I'd love her just the same..

On a side note: Thanks to "The Griffith Family" for their comment on the last post, it's so easy to overthink and so nice to be reassured.

To vaccinate or to not......

This issue has been weighing on my mind lately.. what do I do when I can't see inside Bella's brain and notice any significant changes? I understand that the shots have been purified and if the APA deems them worthy and safe enough then I should sit back and relax and know that the worries of 100 years ago are no longer relevant this day and age. We don't have to worry that 1/2 of the children in the population are going to die of the flu, small pox, measles, mumps, etc. These vaccines have saved millions of children's lives.. But why in the world has she had so many vaccinations by the age of 6 months. The same day she was born they gave her a shot for Hepatitus B, a sexually transmitted disease.. why the heck is this neccessary for a brand new body to absorb? Her 6 month check up is in 1 1/2 months and I think I've decided to postpone her vaccinations for a while - I've complied with every single one until now and call me crazy but she is turning into a different baby since her 4 month appt. When we got back from England she had her 4 month check up, even though she was 5 months, and they gave her so many shots, one in each leg and one she swallowed by mouth. Yet the two in the leg contained like 5 vaccinations.. she hasn't been the same since. She is SO cranky and before she was so easy going.. how do I know that without the vaccinations she wouldn't have turned cranky just the same?? I don't and therefore I'm going crazy. She doesn't sleep as well, she refuses routine whereas before England she slept at the same time everyday, ate at the same time, and woke up at the same time AND now she has issues with strangers even if I'm right in front of her. Maybe she's understimulated and not getting enough social interaction? That's Gerry's theory.. She is developing on time if not fast and her weight and length were in the 75 percentile.. Am I worrying over nothing? Is this motherhood? I'm overwhelmed.. I keep reading stories about mothers who notice massive changes in behavior after vaccines with 3 of their children and refused vaccines for the 4th and they didn't have the same problems.. Gerard keeps telling me that they're the exception and our healthy baby who laughs and plays and rolls all over the floor, is the rule.. I think I'm going crazy..

It's been a while..! I haven't posted anything since our trip to Dallas where Hollie threw us the best baby shower ever! And I still haven't mailed out my thank you cards (so sorry! they're coming, promise) and now we're headed to England on Tuesday. A Few firsts that have happened since then..

Bella started laughing!! She has a tickle spot around her neck and if the mood is right, she laughs when I change clothes. She also likes it when we tickle her face with our hair. Her laugh is the best thing I have ever heard.

She found her feet!! I've been waiting for this moment even before she was born. It is my favorite thing ever.

She went to the pool for the first time. She didn't smile much because it took her eyes ages to adjust to how bright it was, but I think she enjoyed it!




e
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We're heading back to the pool in about an hour, but Bella and Gerard are taking a little nap on the couch together. There will be millions more pictures from London when we return! I'm excited to go, but I probably won't even get to touch her til it's time to put her down to bed. We're also starting baby signing and Your Baby Can Read this month so I'll keep you guys updated on how well that goes.. I'm a bit skeptical about Your Baby Can Read but how cool would it be to have a 9 month old that reads flash cards?! Gerard is certain that I'm on the same track as Rick Moranis in Parenthood..... I'm not that bad.

Comparisons..

At first, Bella looked just like me. We compared pictures of our first hours of life and it really was a spitting image. BUT NOW, nearly two months old, she looks JUST like Gerry..

He's the little fella at the bottom right.. see the eyebrows and face shape and her eyes are turning more like his and her mouth is wider like his also..

This baby picture is a bit harder to see but I think he's around 6 months here and theres a shadow behind his head.. he has a massive one but not THAT big.


I think she's taking after Gerard for sure.. what do you think??

I knew life was going to change with a child, but I never could have guessed just how much.. I got sad the other day because Gerard and I weren't dating long before I got pregnant and I feel kind of like we missed out on that new couple phase. And although I couldn't be happier today, my hormones got the best of me while thinking about the past. Gerard and I have been spending time together since last fall but we didn't become an "official" couple, I guess you could say, until April. I was dealing with a stupid idiot all last year who just played games and treated me badly. Gerard and I met while I was dealing with Adam's drama, and he continued to stay in touch with me and send me nice messages over facebook for months! Once Gerard and I started seeing each other in the spring we became inseperable. And even though the last thing we were both looking for was a relationship, we fell in love. Our one year anniversary is on April 20th and our baby is nearly 2 months old (HAH!) I find that funny.. How lucky am I that he is the most perfect person for me in the entire world? What are the chances.. I'm amused by the situation and also so relieved. If this had happened with my ex loser (whom some of you met last thanksgiving) I would be having a nervous break down right about now.. I feel like the luckiest girl in the entire universe. (Yah make fun of me Gerard for this sappy post, but I know deep down you're eating this up)

PICTURE TIME!
















I can't believe she's 6 weeks old today.. I love you Bella!!

Izzy was exactly 2 weeks old on Wednesday so we took a few pictures to compare her to the older ones to get a feel for how much she has really changed. I knew she had gained some weight but I had no idea how much until I took her to the doctor's office yesterday for a check on her eye (the poor baby's eye is stuck shut every time I turn around, but thankfully it's just a blocked tear duct) and she was weighed there. 8 lb 7 ounces.. A FULL POUND in a week. And honestly I wasn't TOO surprised because I spend all my time feeding her and she spends all her time pooing.




Looking at her daddy..

Sleeping on daddy's chest, so sweet.

Her stylish outerwear.

Catchin a few winks..

Just waking up..

Sleeping again!

It was also Papa's birthday on wednesday. I teared up just typing that sentence, miss you so much Papa! I really wish you could be here to meet her, I just know you would fall in love with her.